Depression is one of those mental health issues that you have either experienced or that you have no idea what it is like. It sucks the colour out of a day without any outward sign that anything is wrong.
The ongoing stigma of depression
Even today, there are those who truly believe that depression is something you “just need to get over”.
Sufferers are told, “cheer up, it ain’t that bad.” I have been told this. I answer with sarcasm because a punch to the face usually offends (not to mention being a crime). If I could “just cheer up” and stop being depressed, don’t you think I would have tried that by now?
Men are told to suck it in and get on with life. Boys don’t cry. Stiff upper lip, old man.
Or worse, stop complaining. You have nothing to be depressed about. I know I should be happy but I am not – this is my problem. Depression does not care about your external situation. It will suck the life out of your day without prejudice during the bad times and the good times too.
Depression is kind of a huge dick like that.
Those who mask depression with humour find that people say that they can’t be depressed because they are always laughing and smiling all the time.
This humour is a performance. A mask. A coping strategy. But it is a two-edged sword. When the depressed person lets down their guard around people they are trying to trust, too often they will hear – what’s up with you today?
Today? Nothing more than is up all the time.
The cold hard facts about depression
Depression in men has gotten a lot better coverage of late, which is a good thing. However, the numbers show that this fight is far from over.
According to The Samaritans, while the UK’s overall suicide rates are down, male suicides are more than three times those for women. The male suicide rate was 15.3 per 100,000 compared to the female suicide rate of 4.9 per 100,000.
My age and gender group (males aged 45-49) continue to have the highest suicide rate at 23.8 per 100,000. Clearly, depression in men is still poorly understood and treated. Tragically, this worrying trend seems to be unchecked.
With the added stresses of COVID, Brexit shortages, economic turmoil all at once, good mental health support is more important than ever. The problem is, these exact same stressors make mental health support and treatment harder to obtain. Tragically they also create so many more ways in which mental health issues can go unnoticed, and unaddressed.
If someone trusts you enough to speak up about their depression, be a good friend and just listen to them. You will probably not have anything you can suggest or do but you can listen.
Depression is like an abusive partner that no one else can see
Depression is abusive. It will steal your energy and tell you that this is all your fault. This is a lie.
Depression lies to you. It robs you of yourself and cripples any sense of agency. All the while telling you that this is your life now and it will never get any better. This is a lie.
Depression tells you that no one will understand. Clearly, it says, there is something fundamentally wrong with you. You lack the capability to enjoy life and will be miserable forever. This is a lie.
Depression, like an abusive partner, tells you that no one loves you or wants you. You have failed at life, it claims. You are, it hisses, unlovable. This is a lie. Utter horseshit in fact.
Depression asks why you are even trying to do anything. You are not, it lies, good enough. You lack the skills, abilities, and understanding to even try. Just give up, it suggests. This is a lie.
Depression says not to bother friends and family with your worthless feelings. It says you are just being a burden to those around you – your selfish prick. This is a lie. This is a lie design to trap you and keep you alone so depression can continue to abuse you. Depression knows that support from friends and family weaken its hold over you. Depression does not want you to reach out. Depression fears the day you reach out for help.
Depression says that you do not deserve help. You are like this because you are weak and lazy. This is your fault and the world would be better off without you. This is a lie. This is all a lie. This is a big fucking lie devoid of truth entirely.
Depression says there is no hope. This is a lie – depression is full of shit. It can stick those lies where the sun never shines.
If depression is lying to you, reach out. Tell a family member. Tell a friend. Call someone. Say something.
Find help and support
- Call the Samaritans on 116 123 or take a look at their self-help app.
- Call your GP for a chat
- Email a friend
- Phone your mum (she’s probably worried about you)
- Join the SANE support forum.
- If your need is urgent, find an urgant support helpline from the NHS.
Whatever you do, reach out to someone. Depression is full of crap. Don’t let its lies stop you from getting help.
